Luxury Moscow Apartment: Hanaka Shchelkovskoye 77 - Unbelievable Views!
Okay, Let's Talk About Luxury Moscow Apartment: Hanaka Shchelkovskoye 77 - "Unbelievable Views!" (Spoiler: It's Complicated)
Alright folks, buckle up. I've just emerged, blinking, from the (likely) crystal-clear, ultra-sanitized depths of the Hanaka Shchelkovskoye 77 apartment. And let me tell you, "Unbelievable Views!" is… well, it depends on your definition of "unbelievable." But before we get to the vista, let's unpack this Russian nesting doll of a review. Because, honestly, there's a LOT to unpack.
Accessibility - Feeling Like a Fish Out of Water (Sometimes)
So, first things first: Wheelchair accessible? The website says yes, but my immediate reaction upon entering was a hesitant "maybe?" The elevator situation seemed okay, and I did see a few things that looked like they might be helpful for someone needing assistance. But, I'm skeptical. I'm not exactly rolling in on wheels, but I'd recommend calling ahead and asking some SUPER specific questions. Don't assume anything. Facilities for disabled guests: Exist, in theory. Implementation? Well, that's a question for the ages. I'm a firm believer in calling and getting a concrete idea of what the deal is.
Cleanliness and Safety (The Covid Tango) - The Sanitizer Smells Like Irony
Okay, let's acknowledge the elephant in the (immaculately cleaned) room: COVID. This place screams "we're taking your health EXTREMELY seriously!" Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection in common areas? Triple Check. Professional-grade sanitizing services? You betcha. Room sanitization opt-out available? I think so… but honestly, the sheer force of sanitization felt overwhelming. Like, every surface was screaming "stay away!" It felt a bit clinical, honestly. I appreciated the effort, mind you, but sometimes all this clean-clean-clean makes me a little… anxious, you know? I felt like I needed a hazmat suit just to order room service. Hand sanitizer: Available everywhere. In the elevators, by the pool, in the bathrooms – it's like they're trying to single-handedly save the world. Good on them, I guess, but the scent of antiseptic and the constant awareness made me a little uneasy. Staff trained in safety protocol? Oh, honey, YES. They were like, ninjas of hygiene. Every interaction was meticulously masked and gloved. It felt… sterile. (See a theme here?) Staff trained in safety protocol: Double down on the security protocol. The level of security was impressive.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (Feast or Famine - or Just a Slightly Dry Croissant)
Alright, the food. This is where things get… interesting. Breakfast [buffet] – Available, and… fine. Asian breakfast? Not really. Western breakfast? More like "Western-ish." Expect the usual continental suspects: a slightly dry croissant (my personal nemesis in a hotel buffet), some questionable pre-cooked sausages, and a sad-looking fruit salad. Breakfast in room: Yup, possible. I ordered it once. Worth it? Meh. Room service [24-hour]: Ah, now we're talking. I ordered a late-night snack of… well, I don't remember exactly, but it was edible, which is a win at 2 AM after a long day of sightseeing. Coffee/tea in restaurant: Present and accounted for. Coffee shop: Didn’t really see one. Restaurants: There are a few. A la carte in restaurant: Mostly. Alternative meal arrangement: I am not sure. Poolside bar: There actually isn't a poolside bar, which is odd considering the pool situation (see below). Snack bar: Kind of like the coffee shop.
Services and Conveniences (The Good, the Meh, and the "Wait, Are You Serious?")
Here's where we get to a mixed bag. Air conditioning: Absolutely. Necessary, given the Moscow heat. Airport transfer: Available. Concierge: Super helpful (especially when trying to decipher the Cyrillic on the menu). Daily housekeeping: Immaculate. Too immaculate, possibly (see: the relentless sanitization). Elevator: Present, and worked. Ironing service: Yes. Laundry service: Likewise. Luggage storage: Standard. Doorman: Yes. Cash withdrawal: Yup. Currency exchange: Yep, and I needed it badly, because getting rubles is a whole thing in this land.
The Views. (Oh, the Views.) This is where things get interesting. Look, the website promises "Unbelievable Views!" And, technically, they deliver. My room was on a high floor (High floor), and I had a pretty decent view. Moscow sprawling below, the city lights twinkling… However… the view wasn't quite as "unbelievable" as the website led me to believe. It's Moscow. It's a city. It was pretty, sure, but it wasn't mind-blowing. Also, I swear the window was so clean, I almost walked into it.
Internet Access (aka The Wi-Fi Wrestle)
Internet access – wireless & Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Thank the gods for this. I’m pretty sure I spent more time connected in Russia than I did in The States. Internet [LAN]: I’m gonna assume this is available, seeing as everything else is hyper-connected. Wi-Fi for special events: They got you covered.
For the Kids (Babysitting and Beyond)
Family/child friendly: Mostly. I didn't see a ton of kids, and the hotel wasn't designed the most friendly for children.
Ways to Relax (Spa, Sauna, and the Pursuit of Zen)
Now, this is where things get a little… luxurious. Spa/sauna: They have one! Sauna: Yes! Swimming pool [outdoor]: Yes! I did hit the outdoor pool – with a view! And it was… well, it was fine. It was clean. The water was… water-temperature. The view from the swimming pool was, you guessed it, pretty good. I'm probably going to get a tan. Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Spa. I am so on board for the spa.
In Your Room (The Comfort Zone - Mostly)
Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens. Yes to all of this! I got lost in the bathrobes!
Things to Do (Beyond the Buffet)
This is where things get tricky because the hotel itself isn’t exactly a hotbed of activity. You’re in Moscow! Go explore! But, the hotel has… things.
Getting Around (Navigating Moscow and Beyond)
Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking. All of this is available.
The Quirks and the Annoyances (Because Nothing is Perfect)
- The Language Barrier: Even with helpful concierge staff, knowing a little Russian is a must.
- The Price: This place is definitely on the pricier side.
- The Ambience: It was… sterile. I yearned for a bit more personality, a touch of "lived-in" charm.
Overall Impression
Luxury Moscow Apartment: Hanaka Shchelkovskoye 77 is… a decent place. It's clean, safe, and offers a lot of amenities. The staff is lovely. The views? Pretty good, but not earth-shattering. Is it "unbelievable"? Maybe. Is it worth it? That, my friends, depends on your tolerance for a bit of clinical perfection and your budget. Just remember, pack your own personality – the hotel feels a little short on it.
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Home Awaits in Jomtien, Pattaya!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, 'cause you're about to get the unvarnished truth about my "trip" (and I use that term loosely) to Apartment Hanaka on Shchelkovskoye 77 in Moscow. Honestly, the fact that I'm even attempting an itinerary for this… this thing… tells you more about my desperate need for structure than anything else. Prepare for chaos, people. This is gonna be a ride.
Pre-Departure: The Panic Attack Before the Plane
- T-minus 72 hours: Okay, I’ve finally managed to find my passport. It was wedged between a half-eaten bag of gummy bears and a rogue sock in my "important documents" drawer. I’m already sweating.
- T-minus 48 hours: Packed! (Mostly). I still have no idea what the weather's going to be like in Moscow. I’ve packed everything from a parka to a Hawaiian shirt. Prepared for a polar vortex and a beach party, apparently. Logic is clearly not my strong suit when stressed. Also, spent 2 hours trying to figure out the Rubik cube that I never successfully solved.
- T-minus 24 hours: My stomach is trying to escape my body. I’m pretty sure I’m more prepared for a colonoscopy than a trip to Russia. Downloaded a Russian phrasebook. I can now confidently order… well, no, I can't confidently order anything. I'm pretty sure I just asked someone to eat my shoes. Wonderful.
- T-minus 2 hours: Airport run is happening right now. The taxi driver is playing polka music. Dear Lord, send help (and maybe some noise-canceling headphones).
Day 1: Arrival. And Mild Existential Dread.
- Morning (Arrival): Okay, so the flight was… long. Unpleasant. The guy next to me kept kicking my seat and trying to sell me Amway. I’m pretty sure I lost a decade of my life. Found my way to the apartment in apartment Hanaka Shchelkovskoye 77, which was a whole other adventure of trying to understand the bus system and trying to explain to a taxi driver. He was a really lovely guy, but my Russian is basically charades, and his English was… well, let's just say we communicated via a combination of hand gestures and the sheer force of goodwill on both sides.
- Afternoon (The Apartment): The apartment! Not exactly the idyllic picture I'd envisioned in my head, but also, not terrible. A little… lived-in. Okay, a lot lived-in, and the couch has a permanent dent in it, and the curtains are slightly askew. But hey, it has wifi, and the view overlooking a bunch of Soviet-era buildings is actually… kind of fascinating? I feel like I've walked onto the set of a Cold War spy film (the depressing, low-budget one).
- Evening (Attempting to Explore): Walked around the block. Found a local grocery store. I’m pretty sure I accidentally bought a jar of pickled… something. I have no idea what it is. It smells suspiciously of vinegar and regret. Ordered some delivery food from a place I found on the internet because going out seems an extreme sport. It was edible though and the only reason I'm not starving.
- Late Night (The Existential Dread): Laying in bed. Wide awake. Thinking. I’m alone in a strange city. I don’t speak the language. I'm a complete idiot abroad. Is this adulthood? Is this my life now? Did I even pack a toothbrush? (Yes, I did. Thank God.)
Day 2: The Metro and the Great Pickle Debate
- Morning (Conquering the Metro): Okay, the Moscow Metro. This thing is a marvel! It's beautiful. It's efficient. It's also terrifying. Seriously, if the government ever wants to use these tunnels for a zombie apocalypse hideout, they're absolutely set. It's like a time capsule, with stunning mosaics and chandeliers. I felt like a total tourist, gawking at everything while accidentally bumping into a few grumpy-looking babushkas. (I may have apologized for the next hour)
- Afternoon (The GUM): Tried to go to GUM because it's a beautiful historical place. I got lost in the labyrinthine alleys. Stumbled upon a cafe. Tried to order coffee. Ended up with something that tasted like liquid fire. Okay, I walked out, mortified.
- Evening (The Pickle Revelation): Contemplated eating the mystery pickle. Decided to be brave. Took a bite. It was… surprisingly good. Tangy. Crunchy. The regret vanished. The existential dread temporarily receded.
Day 3: The Art of Getting Lost and the Joy of Potato
- Morning (Getting Lost (Again)): Decided to wander around a neighbourhood. Got wonderfully and hilariously lost. Wandered into a park, a church with an interesting architecture, and ended up in a residential area.
- Afternoon (The Museum with No Plan): Decided to try out a museum. Found one. No idea what kind of exhibitions they're hosting. No plan. Wandered around. I spent a good 30 minutes staring at a single painting of a potato field. It was… strangely moving? I don’t know, maybe I was just hungry.
- Evening (The Potato Appreciation): Found a cozy little restaurant and ordered the most delicious potato. It was plain, it was simple, it was perfect. I am starting to understand the Russian love of carbs.
Day 4: The Departure: A Strange Kind of Nostalgia
- Morning (Packing – The Sequel): Packing up again. Still can't believe I crammed all this into one suitcase.
- Afternoon (Goodbye Hanaka): Said goodbye to the apartment. Feeling a strange sense of… affection? The place grew on me, warts and all.
- Evening (Airport Blues): Heading back to the airport. Tired. Hungry. Slightly less terrified than when I arrived.
- Late Night (Reflection): On the plane. Looking out the window. Did I actually like Moscow? Honestly, I'm not sure. It was messy. It was hard. But it was also… beautiful, in its own weird way. I learned to embrace the chaos. And I conquered the pickle. Mission accomplished, I guess.
- Final thought: I need a vacation from my vacation. And I definitely, without a doubt, will be back. Just to eat the potato.
So there you have it. My completely truthful, unpolished, and probably slightly insane account of a trip I took to Russia (and more accurately, to an apartment in Moscow). I hope you enjoyed the ride. If you need me, I‘ll be at my local store, grabbing a jar of pickles of my own. Godspeed, friends. Godspeed.
Escape to Paradise: Tamassa Bel Ombre, Mauritius - Your Dream Vacation Awaits!
Okay, so... "Unbelievable Views!" Really? What's the *deal* with the view? Is it actually...believable?
Alright, alright, let's talk views. "Unbelievable" is their word, okay? Honestly? For a first ten seconds, it *is* unbelievable. Like, jaw on the floor, "did I accidentally teleport to the set of a sci-fi movie?" kind of unbelievable. You're up there, practically floating above the smog... errr, the city. I first went there straight after arriving from a particularly grueling trans-atlantic flight. Jet lag AND a view like *that*? My brain almost fried. Okay so, the view? Its pretty amazing. From up there, you feel like you own the city. I'm pretty sure I saw a squirrel on a building the other day. No joke.
The apartment itself... is it all swanky and perfect like the pictures? Because, let's be real, those pictures always lie a little.
Okay, deep breath. The pictures? They're… curated. Let's just say that. It *is* a gorgeous apartment, don't get me wrong. It’s modern, sleek, and yes, *much* better than the usual cramped hotel rooms you're likely to find. But... and this is a BIG but... remember, the pictures are taken at the *perfect* angle by people who make a living out of making things look amazing.
The reality? Well, the "luxurious" rug might have the faintest hint of a coffee stain (I blame the previous guest, obviously). And that super-modern shower system? Sometimes, the water pressure is a little… unpredictable. You might find yourself doing a little dance under the lukewarm drizzles of water, but hey, at least the *view* is there to distract you, right? And honestly, the more lived-in places tend to be more charming anyway, right?
Getting there! How *exactly* does one navigate Moscow to reach this mystical Hanaka Shchelkovskoye 77? And is it a hassle?
Okay, the journey. Buckle up again. Moscow's a beast, and getting anywhere takes time...and often, a mild sense of bewilderment. Your options are: taxi (expensive, traffic!), the metro (efficient, but can get *insane* at rush hour), or a hired car (which feels fancy...until you hit traffic). The apartment is accessible, but yeah, the metro is probably your best bet after you've done some sightseeing. The stations themselves are really cool, like a trip back in time. But still, if you are arriving on Sunday at 6, you're going to see a lot of people.
My advice? Download Yandex.Taxi (yes, the Russian Uber). It's your saving grace. Also, learn a few basic Russian phrases. "Spasibo" (thank you) will get you far. "Ne ponimayu" (I don't understand) is also handy... because you *will* need it. Also, be ready for detours and unexpected road closures. It's a Russian adventure, folks! Just try and enjoy it.
The "Amenities"! Let's talk about stuff like the Wi-Fi, the kitchen, the…toiletries. Are they any good or do I need to bring my own everything?
The Wi-Fi? Usually solid. Occasionally, it has a minor hissy fit and goes offline for a few minutes, which, if you're trying to work, can be mildly rage-inducing. Nothing a quick reset can't fix. The kitchen? Well-equipped. The cookware's not the greatest but its functional. More of a "warm-up-some-takeout" kind of kitchen than a "Michelin-star-chef" kind of kitchen.
Toiletries? They provide the basics. Don't expect the luxury spa experience. Bring your own favorite shampoo and conditioner, unless you're happy with the stuff that smells suspiciously like… well, I’m not sure what it smells like, but I strongly recommend bringing your own.
Also, bonus tip: They often forget to put toilet paper in there! Make sure the first thing you do is make sure you have some. You have been warned.
Alright, what's the *vibe* of the neighborhood? Is it safe? Are there any cool shops/restaurants nearby?
Right. The neighborhood. Hmm. It’s… a bit of a mixed bag. Hanaka Shchelkovskoye 77 is a bit of a way out from the city center. It's not exactly known for its vibrant nightlife, but don't let that put you off. It’s perfectly safe, and that's important. There are convenience stores, cafes, and some local restaurants within walking distance.
Don’t expect tons of tourist traps. Instead, you can immerse in the local culture, which is so much better. I stumbled upon a small, no-frills restaurant where they served the best dumplings I’ve *ever* tasted. The waiter didn't speak a word of English, and I didn't speak Russian, but somehow, we managed to communicate with a lot of pointing and grinning. It was pure magic. That's what I loved the most when I stayed there. You can find some real gems, but you have to look. Ask a local, explore a little, and embrace the adventure.
Okay, let's say... something goes wrong. Like, the key stops working, or the internet dies in the middle of a crucial video call. What's the support like?
Ah, the ultimate test of any accommodation: Support. This is where things get… interesting. The support team is generally responsive, but keep in mind that you're not in Kansas anymore. You can pretty much expect them to respond swiftly, but you might need to be patient.
Don't expect immediate solutions or a lot of hand-holding. It’s the kind of support where you might have to troubleshoot a little yourself. But honestly, it makes things even more character-building I guess. And to be fair, the support team is quite good. My key stopped working at one point and they helped me out really quickly.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being a moldy hostel and 10 being Buckingham Palace, how would you rate this place?
Okay, the rating. Alright, *here* we go. If a moldy hostel is a 1 and Buckingham Palace is a 10, well, I’d give Hanaka Shchelkovskoye 77 a solid… 7.5. Maybe an 8 on a good day, when the sun hits the panoramic window just right and the coffee's kicking in. It's not perfect, but the view, the location, the experience... it all adds up to something pretty special.Your Stay Hub
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